WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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