C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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