Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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