Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
