Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
im holly from the hills drunk
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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