can u get pink eye on your cock?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
