There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
