How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
