I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
