I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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