I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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