Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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