so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
