Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
