i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
