I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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