I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize