and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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