I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize