I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
