I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
