I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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