So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
