Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
