My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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