I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
