Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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