Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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