I looked at my own cervix.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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