I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
