watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize