i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
