how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
