i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
