I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
