Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize