Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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