When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
