My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
