shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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