do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
