Quick, to the slutcave!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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