Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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