My liver just broke up with me...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
