is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I looked at my own cervix.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
