There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize