your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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