strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize