I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
