i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
