i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
