i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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