I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
