Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
