So drunk its hurt
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Be still, my beating vagina.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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