Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think I won the penis lottery.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
