it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I wish there were birth control emojis
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize