I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
