My friends, they love my intelligence
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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