It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
