does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
