Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
