In the future we'll all be gay
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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