You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
