Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
