I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
