Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You may now shotgun with the bride
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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