That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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