Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize