I want to walk on stilts...naked
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
