A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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