Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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