An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize