Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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