that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
