He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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