you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
try to milk me bitch
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