a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
