I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
