Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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